Cheese Be With You

I have been packing the following fairly healthy lunch for work: grapes, cheese. I keep a box of Triscuits in my desk drawer, and I make a fine meal out of it. Sounds healthy, looks healthy.

The cheese I’m talking about is made by Kraft and is called “Cracker Cuts”, and I buy the sharp cheddar. And the slices are the exact size of a Triscuit.

I’ll say it again, in case you didn’t hear me. The cheese slices are the exact size of a Triscuit.

For people like me who strive always to have the same amount of dressing on each bite of salad, evenly distributed sour cream throughout your burrito, and exactly as much cheese as you have cracker, the Cracker Cut arrives on the scene not a moment too soon.

Cracker + Cheese + Grape! So pre-measured! So easy!

Too easy. Each time I arrange my little plate of crackers, cheese, and grapes, and sit down to eat, I think, “I am only taking 6 slices out of the bag. That is two servings. And then I will eat until I am full, and then I will stop.”

But by the second cracker + Cracker Cut + Grape stack, however, I sound more like this:
“MRARGHHhghh MRARRRRHHHDGGHHhhfjjhf I WILL HAVE BETTER MRARRGHHhhhhfm mrarhrhhgh PORTION CONTROL mmMARARRRGHHHMMmm NEXT TIME! MRRRHARFUHGHHahhgfhlkkGHH!” Triscuit bits flying, cheese all over my keyboard, grapes rolling around under my desk, and almost an entire package of Cracker Cuts gone. Might as well finish them off, right? I’m like the damn Cookie Monster with these things.

Ugh. I feel sick. Why is it that having the prefect cheese : cracker ratio gives me a sense a peace about the world? And furthermore, why do I have to get so greedy with the Peace?