Today I drove. And drove and drove. To visit a woman who could not hear a word I said unless I was screaming. So I screamed over her air conditioner, which is not the best environment for discussing one's end-of-life wishes.
1. Passed a semi truck pulling a trailer today that boasted "service unexcelled" as its tagline. I was going to make a joke about how dumb people are, with unexcelled not being a word and all, but hey, what's this? It IS a word? WTF? My English Degree seems to be in need of a refill.
Another reason to buy locally: Mama Snee would not be bullied by as many effing semis on the highways of Middle Tennessee carrying who-knows-what to god-knows-where. Probably bags of hilariously shaped penis pasta to the Spencer's Gifts in a mall near you. Unexcelled service in the Penis Pasta and Gag Gift industry.
2. Again, I got sucked into conservative talk radio on this drive, because I am hopelessly unprepared on the driving entertainment front, and because apparently I like to get hoppin' mad and call my husband with statements that begin with "You're never going to believe what this asshole just said...". Today everyone was on fire about voter fraud, and this is an actual quote from the hillbilly hosting the show:
"There is no event that would put us in greater danger or would mean more damage to this country than a Presidential election that was questionable or fraudulent."
I'm going to let that sink in for a second.
And now I'm going throw things.
Marathon of outdoor eating
It happened this past weekend. I think I placed fifteenth.
We ate in backyards for the majority of the weekend. We ate some truly delicious homemade salsa and sangria and some primo taco salad, and I made tomato gravy (recipe to follow, future post) which was well-received. I wrapped up leftover sausages that now look like plastic-wrapped turds in my refrigerator. Our yard and the yards of others were strewn with weird trash, orphaned dishes, and toys to be dealt with in the morning. Bird splashed in the blow-up pool and played with her buddies and made new buddies and stayed up way past bedtime. And with the weather so gorgeous for the dead middle of July, we took a nice long walk to the coffee shop and our surprisingly well-stocked neighborhood branch of the library. We had drinks with friends, and then we had more drinks with more friends. It was a beautiful little snapshot of summer. More, please.
"I think the only way it could get any worse is if you were making jokes about genocide."
"Like killing large groups of people with the music of Genesis?"
"I think the Ghetto Kroger is committing mass Genesis-ide."
A: "Wouldn't it be so much better around here if we had a monkey?"
Bird: "Mama, I need a monkey, please."