A word about Pandora

I've been listening to Pandora every day at work. There are times it's like a fortune teller-- the spooky kind that tells you pieces and parts of your past with time-machine accuracy.

Fake Plastic Trees - Radiohead
This song brought me to my knees today, left me sitting in my gray, boxy office catching my breath. Had to stop working and close my eyes, remember flying along a country road thick on both sides with tall, tall green Indiana forest in a truck with the boys I lived with, tossing seeds out the window, breathing in fresh air and freedom with nowhere to be, 21 years old and so colorful. Feel like I'm going to throw up, maybe cry. Squeeze my eyes tighter.

And then tonight, this song socked me in the stomach for a hundred other reasons.


So, if you are turbo-emotional like me at this particular crossroads of life, and don't have your wits about you enough to navigate your own ipod, I highly recommend the creepy-fabulous fortune teller Pandora for a nice, cleansing cry at a moment when you are less than prepared.

I got my merit badge in book eating

So, it is no secret (especially to the people I know in the flesh) that we are having some issues surrounding the new captain of the ole ship here at the office. So I said something to a person above him about it, and I've listened and talked (probably way more than I should have) about it with my co-workers, three of whom work in satellite offices in other areas of the state. I had my review yesterday. It went okay. I was first on the list, and everyone else will be reviewed in the coming weeks. It was neither horrible nor great. There was much weirdness. I wish I could tell you more.

Anyway, today I feel like freaking CNN, reporting the same breaking story twice every hour as people call to check in and see how it went, what can they expect for their own review, what did I say about this or that, etc. And everyone has a different motivation for knowing this information: some are curious, some are concerned, some are pissed off, some are strategic and some are scared, and I continue to add fuel to the collective fire every time enter this conversation. I feel like there is a mutiny among the staff and somehow I have become the unwilling chairperson of the mutiny (though I'm fairly certain that mutinies are not organized enough to have chairpeople) just because I spoke up about a few things that were legitimately effed. And the problem now is that the few things are, come to find out, larger than previously thought and generally unfixable, as they are rooted in personality and maturity issues. I gave up on trying to change personality and maturity with my first college boyfriend.

See, I've said too much again.

Here is a video for you to watch.